Have you ever found yourself amid conflict and wondered how it ever started? If so, you are not alone!

In 1968, Dr Steven Karpman proposed the Drama Triangle to describe three unhelpful roles people can unconsciously adopt in social interactions that often lead to conflict. The three roles are the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor.

Written by Nadine Seif, BSc, Assistant Psychologist, Sloane Court Clinic

These roles are typically learned in childhood and tend to re-emerge in adult interactions without people even realising. While people may lean towards one role more frequently, they are interchangeable; the same person may shift between roles within a single interaction. The “dance” around the Drama Triangle can be observed in romantic relationships, families, friendships and often in the workplace. If you often find yourself amid conflict and struggle to see why, this may help you gain insight into your own behaviour and that of others, enabling you to break the cycle.

Victim:

This role describes someone who acts and feels helpless or powerless to change their situation or in a particular exchange, relying on others to do so instead. This can be a self-perpetuating role, as the victim seeks out “persecutors” to reaffirm their helplessness and “rescuers” to save them, reinforcing the belief that they cannot fend for themselves.

If you feel you adopt this role at times, adopting a growth mindset can be a useful way to boost your confidence. Consider identifying just one action you can take to help yourself in a challenging situation, and you may internalise the belief that you don’t need rescuing. This approach can also disarm “persecutors” who may perceive you as an easy target.

Rescuer:

Rescuers like to help others to validate their sense of self-worth and experience a lot of guilt if they don’t. By intervening unnecessarily, they keep “victims” entrenched in their roles by undermining their ability to help themselves. When a “rescuer” inevitably becomes exhausted from their efforts, their behaviour can become punitive or manipulative. For example, the “rescuer” may recount all the good things they have done for the “victim” to invalidate or minimise any criticism they face, no matter how legitimate.

If you find yourself slipping into this role, it can be helpful to reflect on what the source of your need to help others may be. You may also think about ways to support someone to become self-sufficient rather than doing the saving for them. This will fulfil the desire to help but will also boost the victim’s self-confidence.

Persecutor:

The “persecutor” asserts control, as with the “rescuer”, but in an aggressive manner, prioritising their own needs at the expense of the victim(s). Blame and criticism are commonly seen, especially in response to the persecutor’s own insecurities or self-perceived shortcomings. One way to break this cycle if you feel yourself adopting a persecutor role, is to ask yourself what you are doing to contribute to the conflict. If you feel that your behaviour is fuelling the issue, it can be helpful to pause and consider how you could act more constructively.

To illustrate these roles, consider a scenario where a father is shouting at his son after having failed an exam. While the son now believes he must be stupid, the father is the “persecutor”, and the son is the “victim”. If the mother then steps in to help her son, she takes on the role of the “rescuer.” Here, each person adopts a specific role without moving around the triangle. While this is sometimes the case, dynamics are commonly more complex, as shown below.

A story that is frequently used to conceptualise this social model is Little Red Riding Hood. She starts as a “rescuer,” bringing food to her grandmother and providing directions to the wolf on the way. When the wolf attacks them, he becomes the “persecutor,” while Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother both become victims. The woodsman swoops in as the persecutor to the wolf but as rescuer to Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother. This example illustrates how roles may shift throughout a conflict and can be interpreted differently based on whose perspective in the scenario you adopt.

Awareness of your own behaviour is a crucial step in emerging from the Drama Triangle. Although it may be situation-dependent, recognising that you have slipped into any of the three roles allows you to take action and stop. So, what can you do if you feel you are trapped in a mode of being that leads you into these symbolic roles? Dr Anastasios Argyropoulos, Counselling Psychologist at SCC, adds his insights and encourages some reflection on these points:

• As a “rescuer” you can reflect on the deeper motivations behind your choices and behaviours. What unmet needs might be fuelling your tendency to be a 'rescuer' or 'fixer'; the one who, in an effort to do good, may end up impinging on others' autonomy?

• As a “victim” what is it that you may be inviting from others? Choosing to be vulnerable is empowering and can allow you to adopt a healthy attitude of seeking and receiving help from others to deal with a challenging situation. This differs from an attitude of constant reassurance-seeking, which can breed dependency and allow unhealthy or unequal power dynamics in your relationships.

• Someone who may behave as a “perpetrator” could reflect on the way they express their needs and perhaps think about the difference between being in a position of authority and being authoritative. It is possible to assert yourself and express your ideas and needs effectively while also considering and respecting others’ needs too.

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships with friends, family and in your workplace. Are you part of any drama triangles? Is there anything you can do differently to get out of them?