Anger can be an uncomfortable and all-consuming emotion. Understandably, many of us try to avoid feeling it or desperately try to stop it when it inevitably does arise.

Anger can make us do or say things that are out of character and may even lead us to question our moral compass. Due to its intensity and possible difficulty to control, psychological help is commonly sought out to help understand why it is happening and how to manage it.

Where your anger isn’t harming anyone else, is it necessarily a bad thing? What if, when harnessed in the right way, it can actually be the driver of positive change?

Written by Nadine Seif, BSc, Assistant Psychologist, Sloane Court Clinic

What is anger?

Anger is your body’s alarm system, signalling that something is wrong and needs to change. It is a very normal and important emotion in response to upsetting or unjust incidents. It can act as an immediate indicator that your boundaries have been crossed and can be felt both emotionally and physically. Sometimes, we may feel that anger comes up for “no reason” leaving us on a quest to figure out what triggered this feeling. Like the tip of an iceberg, anger often masks another underlying emotion that perhaps we are unaware of or are uncomfortable feeling. Other times, we may fear showing an emotion other than anger in certain circumstances or among certain people. Thinking back to times when you have felt angry, can you pinpoint if you might have also felt hurt, ashamed, hopeless or sad or another difficult emotion?

Because these boundaries or perceptions of fairness are subjective, people differ in their thresholds for feeling angry. Nonetheless, everyone will have experienced anger at some point in their lives and knowing how to process this effectively is key.

Why do so many people suppress their anger?

For many people, the suppression of anger is taught early in life. Maybe you found that expressing your anger led to punishment or rejection as a child, reinforcing the notion that suppressing your anger is a ‘good’ way to maintain peace and avoid conflict. Children (and adults) are often told off or told to calm down when angry, which may lead to feelings of shame around the emotion. It is no surprise then that many adults try to bury their anger or struggle to regulate it which may lead to behaviour or actions, done in anger, which are later regretted. Anger that feels out of control can be distressing for both the person concerned and those around them and may even cause people to question whether their feelings of anger make them a bad person.

Anger is a normal and inevitable part of the spectrum of human emotion and experiencing it does not take away from one’s “goodness”. Unfortunately, anger doesn’t go away just because you ignore it, it stays until you honour it. This means that learning to feel, process and let go of your anger in a healthy way is crucial in being able to manage it.

The value and power of anger:

“Anger can be an energising emotion when harnessed appropriately,” Dr Veronica Ranieri, Clinical Psychologist at SCC, insightfully comments. “It makes sense that we sometimes prefer to lean on this emotion when we fear feeling sadness, hopelessness or low.” Anger is also a motivating emotion; it symbolises a part of you that rebels against being controlled or mistreated. In some cases, this can be due to internal factors as when anger is borne of frustration or tiredness or burnout.

Anger isn’t just about its source; it’s also about you. Noticing and validating your anger can draw your attention to needs that have been ignored, boundaries you need to set, where you’ve been hurt, and what truly matters to you. Often this is what enables a call to action and allows you to protect yourself going forward.

Anger can guide you to take better care of yourself and identify and alter any toxic relationships, whether in the workplace, romantic relationships, friendships or family dynamics. Although a signal you to take better care of yourself, rather than protecting yourself from an external factor, anger’s role is still to bring your attention to something that isn’t right. When understood and channelled effectively, anger can help you break free from self-sacrificing patterns, prioritise your own needs, and build relationships based on mutual care and respect. Listening to your anger isn’t about feeding rage or lashing out. It’s about honouring your needs and wishes and inviting positive change while practicing self-compassion.

If you have ever felt overwhelmed by anger or afraid of what it means about you, you are not alone. Help is available for people who would value some support with learning how to honour and move past their anger, as well as those seeking assistance in learning to process their anger better. As Dr Ranieri explains, “being able to express and process anger both healthily and with the support of professional others (where needed) is the key to managing our emotions.”

It should be acknowledged that the anger that people struggle to control can end up hurting those close to them and should not be excused by “finding its positive side”. There is help available for healthy and effective anger management and interventions for this differ from the advice in this article. We invite you to reflect on the power of your anger and think about where it could be used positively in your life; there are instances in which anger is objectively negative.